This is Who I Was Told I Am: It's pretty shitty

You're nothing but a piece of shit.
You were unwanted and born on a broken condom.
I didn't want you.
Your nothing, and will always be nothing.
Your just like your good for nothing fucked up father.
You can't do shit, because you ain't shit.
You'll never amount to anything!
You're not going to do anything with your life.
Nobody wants you!
You're not worth the pain it took to have you!
You're stupid.
Fucking faggot!
You don't deserve anything good. 
You're a piece of crap.

All of this words clang in my head like dissonant gongs and cymbals. The majority of the statements came from the woman who gave birth to me. This is the daily chorus that I hear. The cacophony at times is deafening.

I share these things so that they are out there for better or for worse. I know that there are others who have similar phrases floating in their heads. Some have far worse. I share, honestly, because I don't want these things in my head any longer. It is high time to let it out. I share because I want to heal. I share because maybe someone who hears these things can not feel alone and possibly find courage to seek healing for their life.

I was told those things but now I choose to speak up to myself, those who said these things, and to the world and say: Fuck you and your miserable life. Fuck you and your shitty outlook. I no longer take your shit as my own. I choose daily to live and believe that I am worth the air that I breathe. I am a good person who deserves to be happy. I am more than good enough.

You Decide

I've let choices be made for me most of my life. I always say, I'm a laid-back guy and if I have a problem, I'll speak up. Oftentimes my option to speak up becomes moot it is no longer there to be exercised because it was my chose to not decided that forced my mouth shut. The blog is my taking the decisions that matter to me back and placing them firmly within my grasp.

No matter what it is, I make the choice to be the decision maker for my life. No matter the consequences I'll know that it was my choice. It's much better than wondering what if I didn't let someone else make the decision for me.

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